"My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't."
"We know exactly where one cow with mad-cow-disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in America, but we haven't a clue as to where thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of Immigration."
"Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?"
"Do people who can't read still enjoy Alphabet Soup?"
"No, ...this is NOT a wheelchair. It's a manual, mini-Smart Car."
"I have a question: ......... WHAT goes without saying......?">
"If the coyote on "The Roadrunner" had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?"